TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNED FROM MAYOR ROBERTSON’S SPEECH TO THE BOARD OF TRADE

10. Vancouver has put bike lanes behind it. We are now facing “some serious forks in the road.”

9. If you want to get under the mayor’s skin, it’s not enough to say you’re Jeff Lee. Call him ‘your worship’. “That makes me cringe.” (George Affleck, take note.)

8. They mayor was once a do-it-yourself dentist. “Small business is where I cut my teeth.”

7. Staff have been told to erase all those press releases extolling Vancouver as “the world’s most liveable city”.  According to the mayor: “We’ve never been a ‘swagger’ kind of city.”

6. Vancouver’s reputation as No Fun City is now firmly in that every-two-weeks trash can. “We are building a record amount of new office space”. Take that, Rob Ford!

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5. SIGGRAPH ISRETURNING TOVANCOUVER.

4. The mayor and Obama are, like, you know, soul mates. “HootSuite…is used by everyone from the White House to my house.” Cue the hot line, er, hoot line.

3. The people of Vancouver “make the most of our astonishing, unique setting and make our city one of the world’s most liveable.” Er, scratch No. 7, above. Apparently, swagger’s back.

2. The mayor loves trivia, beyond those arcane homeless numbers. Did you know the Massey Tunnel handles 80,000 trips a day, while the Broadway Corridor’s daily burden is double that, at 160,000?  Gregor knows. “Just saying,” he quipped, smiling seraphically, as is his wont. (Transportation poker: ‘I’ll see your 80,000 trips, Christy Clark, and raise you another 80,000.’)

1. And the number one thing I learned from the mayor’s speech: The city will be announcing a series of “TED spinoff events”! Be still my beating heart.

Just in case emotions boil over, stringent anti-riot measures will be in effect. No big screen gatherings downtown, transit police will be out in force to control crowds on SkyTrain, and liquor sales will be cut off early. “We rock at this,” enthused Councillor Deal.

Alas, that’s also the number one thing I didn’t learn. Details of the earth-shattering TED spinoff events are “still top secret”, the mayor confided.  I’ve put in a call to Edward Snowden.

And for those of you who just can’t wait,  ROD Talks will be spinning off next month in my basement.

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5 thoughts on “TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNED FROM MAYOR ROBERTSON’S SPEECH TO THE BOARD OF TRADE

  1. Is there any room left in your basement to host a ROD Talk?

  2. I think that will be the subject of the first ROD Talk…

  3. Your basement or the room?

  4. Pingback: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Has Been A Very Bad Boy | THE SCARECROW

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